Reflections from the Genesee Diary

Chris reflects on how prayer and solitude helps us live as the unique individuals God created us to be.

For the past few nights, I have been really grateful for The Genesee Diary: Report from a Trappist Monastery by Henri Nouwen. This book has been a lovely reflection-companion for my daily night prayer. Nouwen’s writings (from my experience, that is) have always been so hearfelt and brutually honest, and it is precisely in his disarming honesty that one experiences the vulnerability and authenticity of his personality.

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Creating Space for God

Chris shares on the vital necessity of creating space for God in the midst of a busy world.

Lately, I’m noticing an invitation to actively create space and make myself available for God in my life. The availability that I actively consent to, the willingness to sit with my inner restlessness and resist the constant (and inordinate) desire to do something (for God, for the church, for ministry-related activities etc. in a knee-jerk and sporadic manner), better allows me to cooperate with God’s divine grace and trust in His perfect timing.

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Working All Night: A Fisherman’s Lessons

Chris reflects on what Our Lord has to teach us in seemingly trying and futile times.

When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.” Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.” (Luke 5:4-5)

In a season oft characterised by desolation, despondency and despair, Simon’s response to Jesus seems to encapsulate my current state of life. The words “We’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything” resonate deeply with me.  These words are filled with so much fatigue and exhaustion! Furthermore, these words also point to a visceral sense of fruitlessness – a climate of barrenness disproportionate to the “work” and effort that one has made. Reading Simon’s words out loud, one can almost feel his palpable desperation.

Does Simon’s response to Jesus also speak to the depths of your heart? Are you also experiencing an extended season of emptiness and dryness – one that comes from endless (and needless) toiling? More importantly, however, how can one possibly find comfort, refuge and solace from the Living Word through Luke 5:4-5? What can we learn from Simon’s response to Jesus?

Luke 5:4-5 speaks to me on various levels. Firstly, I find it exceptionally intriguing that Simon’s response to Jesus was “Master, we’ve worked hard all night …” This phrase, “all night” captivates me. I am captivated, not because fishermen work especially hard at night, (possibly because fishes are easier to catch at night), but because “all night” is an important metaphor and points to a larger theme: toiling in the dark. How many of us work hard “all night” when most of us are already asleep? (Think of the many women and men who work ungodly hours just to keep our nations safe – security personnel, maintenance workers etc.)  Indeed, who amongst us work behind the scenes continually and more often than not, without thanks and acknowledgement? How many of us work in silence, every single day? Haven’t we all considered throwing in the towel and raising our hands up in frustration and futility? I don’t know about you, but questions such as Why try so hard? Why strive so much? What’s the point? keep coming to me whenever I find myself in this desolated rut.

Perhaps, the key to this tangible sense of disappointment and futility stems from the second portion of Simon’s response to Jesus – “ … and haven’t caught anything.” Indeed, we live in a world of immediate gratifications; we are a quick-fix society. We are brought up to (falsely) assume that effort equates to results. We want to see (immediate) results because the results serve as a tangible affirmation for us; our end products seem to tell us that our processes are effective. That technique may have worked for us in schools and in our younger years, but in the working world, we come to realise that this mode of operation fails to deliver . There are times when effort just does not cut it; there are moments when sheer hard work does not produce results. Indeed, there are seasons in our lives where our toiling simply yields neither immediate nor long-lasting fruits.

To me, then, the larger lesson of Luke 5:4-5 seems to be the distinction between striving for and striving when. From a young age, I was conditioned to think that I had to strive – whether in school or at work – for Jesus. I underwent supposed hardships and pain for Him. My toil was for the Son of God. Such a mind-set, noble yet horrendously egoistic and erroneous as it may be, however, connotes a certain loss of freedom. Indeed, I was more a slave to Jesus than a child of God. Yet, John 15:15 clearly states, “No longer do I call you slaves … I have called you friends.” How, then, do we reconcile this supposed dissonance? My simple response: time. Indeed, it is very likely that Simon’s inability to catch any fish was because he was not yet called to do so. Timing is of the essence here. How many of us conduct our actions on impulse, on insecurities and on past hurts and wounds. How many of us fail to properly pray and discern before we act? Little wonder why we often feel like square pegs being forced into round holes. We bring unnecessary strain to ourselves simply because we have yet to (re)align our wills, our deepest hopes and desires with God’s.

Our God is a generous and loving God. I also have come to recognise that no experience of my life – both the good and especially the bad – has been wasted. In this pedagogy of life and in this ever invigorating (re)discovery of God’s will in prayer, silence and solitude, I have also come to the peaceful realisation that seasons of (needless) toiling and apparent fruitlessness can also be deeply formative for the self. Take Simon for an example. Even though there was no tangible “fish” that was caught during his labour of love, surely the very process of fishing would have yielded long-term benefits of discipline, rigour and grit – instrumental skills that prove to be especially helpful for a future Pope. Paradoxically, then, are we able to also see the hand of God amidst our daily toils and struggles and gradually come to the awareness that there is something larger at work here – that I am still in the midst of being formed, that my process of formation is far from complete? I find it most humbling to accept that God is not done with me.

Perhaps, it is only in this expansive perspective – this ownership of God’s love for all of us – that Simon could respond, “because you say so, I will let down my nets”. What amazing faith! What admirable obedience!

Indeed, because You say so, Lord, I am willing to try again, to pick myself up when I fall over and over again, and trudge further in this challenging journey of faith. Because You say so, Lord, I am willing to look stupid – in the eyes of the world, at least – and do exactly what I’ve done before in the past – actions that have seemingly yielded no apparent results. Indeed, because You say so, Lord, I will make the effort, one more time, to “let down the nets” because I know that You are with me and have called me to do so. I freely avail myself so that I may be used as Your instrument to spread the Good News to the world, regardless of the outcome, for Your greater glory.

© 2018 Christ Centered Conversations/Christopher Chok

What are my Nets?

Chris reflects of the images of ‘nets’ in a certain Gospel passage.

One weekend, I was grateful that I had the time to attend two Masses, one on Saturday evening and one on Sunday morning in two very different parishes to hear the Word of God. This meant that I was able to witness, listen and reflect upon two homilies, both dealing with the same Gospel passage and both reiterating the main call to Discipleship. The Gospel spoke about Simon and Andrew “abandon[ing] their nets and follow[ing]” Jesus upon hearing His call (Mark 1:14-20).

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Review: ‘Oceans’ by Hillsong

Chris reflects on the profound message of Hillsong’s ‘Oceans’

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my saviour.”
– “Oceans” by Hillsongs

Ocean
Burns Beach, Perth

A close friend once whispered to me, before a Praise and Worship session, that he vows never to sing “Oceans” by Hillsong. Perturbed by his strong sentiments, I pressed him to explain further. He explained that he found the song “intimidating” and “off-putting”. According to him, this song (when carefully sung, that is) speaks of an unadulterated commitment to God, a complete surrender of one’s life to our Lord Jesus Christ – something that he was not (yet) capable of doing. Singing this song – to him, at least – was an intentional and unadulterated commitment to relinquish control of the steering wheel of his life and instead, freely allow Jesus to sit in the driver seat and “take the wheel”. Such profound sentiments!

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P&W Reflection: ‘Lord, I Need You’

Chris reflects on the important message conveyed by Matt Maher’s song ‘Lord I Need You’.

Sometimes, the most powerful songs are written in the simplest of ways, and Matt Maher’s ‘Lord I Need You’ is one such example. Unpretentious yet strikingly profound, this song encapsulates the essence of God’s unconditional love for all of us. The more I listen to it, the more I am reminded of the Prodigal Son parable in Luke 15. In the following article, allow me to share more about why I am deeply moved by this beautiful song and why it serves as the theme of song for all prodigal children – you and I included – of our most loving and most forgiving Father in Heaven.

Lord I Need You begins with the following lyrics – “Lord I come, I confess / Bowing here I find my rest”. Immediately, it is evident that the song speaks of humility, of contrition, of wanting to return home to “find” “rest” in God. The lines that follow in the same stanza exudes a similar sentiment – “Without You I fall apart / You’re the One that guides my heart”. Here we see a recognition that God is our all in all and we are His beloved. This recognition also reflects the awareness that our relationship with God is a personal and intimate one – one that speaks heart to heart. God is not some distant, authoritarian figure, ever ready to judge and to condemn but a God who provides “rest”, who “guides”, who loves passionately. Indeed, it is almost as if this stanza was crafted specially for the prodigal son in Luke 15. One can almost imagine that upon “[coming] to himself” (Luke 15:17) in hunger, desperation and despondency, the prodigal son “set off and went to his father” (Luke 15:20), singing these exact same lyrics.

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St. Francis De Sales’ Roses Among Thorns

Chris shares his reflection on a book by St Francis de Sales.

Recently as I was tidying up my Evernote database, I chanced upon the following excerpt from St Francis de Sales’ Roses Among Thorns – a very thought-provoking book that I completed numerous months ago:
Do not allow yourself to become angry or let yourself be surprised to see that your soul still has all the imperfections that you habitually confess. Even though you must reject and even detest them in order to amend your life, you must not oppose them with anger, but instead with courage and tranquility, so that you will be able to make a solid and secure resolution to correct them. (…) When we censure our neighbour or complain about him — something we should do rarely — we never bring it to an end, but are always beginning again and endlessly repeating our complaints and grievances, which is a sign of a nettlesome heart that has not yet regained its health. (16)
Embedded within the above excerpt are two striking issues worthy of exploration and further discussion. Firstly, Sales affirms a poignant reality of spiritual maturity i.e. that the further we traverse on this journey towards oneness and unity with Christ, the more aware we become of our soul’s “imperfections”. Indeed, I have been privy to the recurring emotions of anger and frustration whenever my imperfections, weaknesses and failings get surfaced. I often ask myself “Oh gosh, there you go again. Haven’t we been through this before? Why are you imbibing in these habitual, self-gratifying sins again, sins that serve no greater purpose and goodness than selfish pleasure? Don’t you know better? Didn’t you just go for confession and made a commitment to repent?”

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